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Remembering my Dad

The day you were taken from us was a very sad day.

I’m going to tell the world about you.

His name was Dominic and he was a Father, Brother, Son, Uncle and Friend.

 

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He passed away when I was 12 years old and I will never forget the night I got that awful news. It was a Wednesday night and I remember because I had a big test the next day at school and my mom came into my room crying and I said what is it? What’s wrong?

She said to me your dad passed away.

There are no words to describe the sheer pain and that I was unable to react at first.

I broke down.

That man was the best part of my life, he always told me that I needed to work hard in life and earn what I receive whether that’s with school, a job or a relationship.

He called me his peanut, his little girl and that I was very special to him. That he would always be there for me and never let anyone or anything hurt me. 

You got that right, Daddy’s Girl.

We had such fun memories together, like going to the beach every year for vacation in the summer time, going to Cowtown with him and my grandparents to get Amish soft pretzels that were to die for. He’s the reason I have a love for pretzels, haha. Going on road trips to Florida and Delaware.

 

We would watch NASCAR, college football games and my best friends wedding together almost every weekend.

The weekends were the best part of the week not only because I got to spend time with him but I would also see my grandparents and my aunts, uncles and cousins, God how much I love them and miss them.

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 Phillies game were a must with us, I remember one year he put my name on the board and it said Happy Birthday Paige at the Phillies game, that was so special to me!

The funny thing he use to say was I wasn’t allowed to date until I was 30. HAHA, OH DAD.

He was a wonderful son, he lived with my grandparents and helped them continuously.

Not everything is sunshine and rainbows though, and  I am hesitant to even put this in here despite my love for my dad.

I also remember a not so happy thing as well, he use to tell me I needed to lose weight and when there was a weight loss or something fitness related on TV he would say hey, maybe you should do that. Whether or not he was joking, it still hurt to hear that. It’s not a fond memory but it happened. That always stuck in the back of my mind.

But despite that not so happy moment, he was always dedicated to always doing the best and working hard for me. 

Everyday I think of him. Some days I wish he was here to point me in the right direction.

And I always think about what he was like when he was little or a teenager, what were his dreams, hopes, fears?

I still deal with the grief, the pain and all those horrible feelings that come along with losing a parent. But, I remember all the happy and fun memories we shared together and it brings a smile to my face. 

Each day is different for me, I can handle the loss but sometimes I can’t and I break down and cry because I ask myself, why? Why did God take him from me? But, then I remember we all lose someone we love sooner or later and it’s how we remember that person that matters.

In my experience with losing a parent, is you realize how important they are in your life. They created you and they will always be a part of you and you a part of them. So if I have myself and love myself then I am doing a pretty good job and loving and remembering him as well.

Dad, your peanut misses you so much and loves you more than you will ever know.

It hurts I never got to say goodbye but I know he is always listening and looking down on me.

Grief is love. It’s all the love you have to give but can’t. You slowly learn over time not to get over the loss but to rebuild yourself and learn to live on without them, but forever in you hearts and minds.

No one else understands what you’re going through, which means the people who do understand become so much more important. They are the only people in the world that understand what you have lost, and the weight you now have to carry around with you. Not only that, but you now understand how easy it could be to lose someone because you already lost someone so important to you.

It makes you cherish the people you have more than ever before, and it makes you want to hold onto them stronger. The loss demonstrates how important the people in your life are to you.

This is the number one thing I took away. Never take a single person, experience, memory, or moment for granted.

Everything you currently have can be lost in an instant, without any warning. You learn to appreciate every little good thing in your life, and disregard the bad because it’s nothing compared to what has been. You have learned what is important in life, and what is not. Your meaning of life has changed forever.

dady

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