Welcome to my first post about my journey to physical, emotional and mental well being.
Lets start with a little backstory shall we?
Most of you probably already know me and my history but for those of you that don’t, then here it goes. My name is Paige, I am 25 years old and extremely overweight, yikes!I’ll expose my weight later. Not only that but have been ‘FAT’ most of my life, I could blame it on genetics but I wont. Its basically this, not moving my body the way I should’ve, growing up on fast food and not learning proper eating habits. I’ve always hated being overweight especially compared to the rest of my family and kids in school, yes I was picked on mercilessly but who hasn’t for one thing or another? That actually discouraged me from going to school or even going outside because people would automatically judge me from how I look and not what kind of person I am. At the age of 16, I went to “fit” camp and lost almost 90 pounds that summer, it was the best summer of my life. I got to meet new people in similar situations, learn new eating habits and in the long run know that I could achieve anything I set my mind to. So fast-forward after camp, at first I kept the weight off but eventually gained most of it back. As I went through high school each year that passed I gained more and more weight, I attribute that to laziness, no motivation and being afraid that I would fail trying to do it on my own. Next, my past relationships also added to my weight gain because we all know when we get comfortable in a relationship we start forgetting about taking care of ourselves and focus on the other person or at least that’s what I did. I tried P90x and lost 35 pounds before I started dating. Now, that’s just part of the physical aspect of my journey, onto the mental and emotional part which all started at the age of 12, my fathers death. I dont mean to be a damper but this is part of my story. I’m not blaming his death on my well being but I lost part of me, my heart, my soul, my smile, my parent, my best friend and that is a lot to deal with as a child. Losing him triggered emotional eating and deep depression, pushing everyone away and using that as an excuse to become more afraid and introverted from the world. As I got older I learned how to deal with the grief but still continued on my downward spiral on my body physically, eating whatever I wanted, drinking, never exercising and just accepting whatever behavior I received from the men I dated.
At the age of 24, November 2016 I decided to put my happiness first! I slowly started walking and getting outside which I absolutely love being outdoors in the fresh air but like I said before I was scared to go outside without having my makeup and presentably dressed, I know stupid logic but that was my mentality. Which I still get that way from time to time because society tells everyone that fat is ugly and lets judge that person immediately on their appearance and not their merit. You never know what someone is struggling with behind closed doors, so be kind to everyone. Anyway back to my slow journey to happiness and becoming a healthier person all around. Slowly walking, jogging but stopping when needed, one day I hope to be able to run a mile without stopping or even just doing a simple sit up without being out of breath. While I was on this journey I started to feel better and having energy, just knowing I was bettering myself. One day I met this person with the most infectious smile, and I was smitten right in that moment, anyways he made realize I was worth more than I was treating myself and accepted me as I was, “big girl” and all. But the physical didn’t matter to him and I started to recognize myself as more than just my looks, that I was an incredible woman with so much to offer the world, as in my compassion, willingness to do anything for anyone and my beautiful mind. I changed my whole world because I knew that’s what I wanted to do for myself, to make me even more happy than I already was.
When I made this BIG life change, I decided right then and there that I wanted to kick my butt into high gear. I started eating more fruits and vegetables, and less junk and sweets. Started moving my body more, using a Fitbit to track my sleep, water intake, calories, exercise routine, my steps, and the weight loss that comes along with it. Then came the instant happy journal that I bought back in February which I started writing in more day after day. Each day was prompted with a question, quote or a statement to make you think and reflect on. Its suppose to be 365 days of inspiration, gratitude, and joy. So far its helped me I can choose to be happy everyday no matter what mood or state I wake up. I still have to muster up motivation to get up and exercise some days but I push myself to get dressed and I will have lots and lots of energy was I got a workout in, which I do every time! I have SO MUCH ENERGY after I workout and get a good healthy meal in.
I discovered a coach sponsor for beachbody which I had been friends with for a little while and I saw what that program ultimately brought to her life and I also remembered how I felt after finishing P90x. So I decided to sign up for BOD ‘beachbody on demand’ and it was a great decision on my part because I have been working ever since and almost everyday, Shaun Week was awesome and will be finishing the last two days today and tomorrow, sometimes I get distracted by life for a day who doesn’t right? I began to also write in a planner that helped me write out my to do lists as well as plan out my day to day life whether it was my workouts, meal plans, and what fun things I’ll be trying out.
As I finish off this post, my starting weight was 358.5 pounds as of November 2016 and now with beachbody, walking and trying to eat healthier and drink more water I am at 319.2 as of this morning. My goal weight is to feel good about myself. My advice to anyone struggling mentally, physically or emotionally, you can do anything you set your mind to and take comfort in the fact that you are not alone, everyone is struggling with something, so put yourself first and you will be amazed at what you can achieve and become!
Signing off the fat girl to becoming a healthy, happy woman.